A Wolf's Confession

Oh, did I do X that really annoyed you? I didn't mean anything, it was "just" so I could do Y, wherein Y is kind of questionable, but you can't fully say for sure it's totally wrong.

Oh, and have you noticed that a variety of things I say and do cause you X type trouble? That's only because I'm "just" trying a variety of good intentioned ways of doing Y, which again, are always barely within the range of things that would be hard to prove are deliberate, beyond all reasonable doubt!

Now, here's the deal - I'm going to keep doing things that will harm, aggravate and annoy you. And you're going to know that I'm always going to have some soothing sophistries and pious explanations about each and every one of those times.

So you are now to simply shut up and suffer in silence. And if you dare say a word of complaint, I will act wounded, I will pretend to fight back tears, and I will let all know that you must be incredibly un-Christ-like to think such a thing about your dear brother or sister in Christ.

I will even go on the offensive. I will let others know how mean and rude you are. How you are a baddie to have dared thought anything bad about me, after all, don't I volunteer for all the right committees and do all the good works in public?

I will let others know how you are wrong to have in any way assumed any bad motive on my part. How if your faith was at all real, you'd have already apologized to me for in any way questioning my motives, or even having simply asked me to stop any crap I was pulling.

If you try and defend against me when I pull that on you, I will act the more wounded and pretend that you are being contentious and murmuring and a terrible example of a Christian. When I passively-aggressively accuse, that will be called sharing. When you try and answer or refute, that will be called a contentious attack.

And if instead you don't defend, my sly insinuations and outright accusations will stand as true - as you didn't deny it.

I'll use apologies not as a form of healing, but as a weapon. I will pretend that I'm apologizing, but it will be for "the situation" or for "your misunderstanding" of me or that situation. Your apology, no matter how general you make it, I will pretend is a confession of your guilt.

You see, I'm the wolf in sheep's clothing you were warned about. Were you looking for a slavering monster wolf face in a cheap sheep costume, being all obviously photoshopped, like in the internet memes? Well, you'd have quick enough been on guard for that, wouldn't you?

Knowing this, I come slyly. I literally look like a sheep. And a nice sheep, at that. It'd be a poor costume if I did not.

I sow doubt and distrust and dissension. I take out those who I feel might steal my spotlight. Or threaten my position. Or disagree with my agenda. Or just for the pure heck of it. I'm the Master of "Just" and "Only", as I'm "just" saying or doing this, or "only" saying or doing that. My actions and words, no matter how much harm they cause, no matter how obviously they would cause harm, must always be took in the best, kindest and most generous light available.

Your response to the harm, no matter how softly and kindly you try and phrase it, must always be took as only the most rude and contentious and badly motivated response ever.

I'll see to that.

I am always the victim, even while doing you harm. You are always the villain, even while you are crying out from the pain I give you.

You will accept what I give you, suffering in silence, or you will respond, and look like you're the baddie. If you then leave the church, you lose the more, and I win. If you stay, you stay in bitter silence, while I enjoy my victories.

Warn others, and you're a gossip. Fail to warn them, and you're complicit.

This is how we wolves work. Slowly. Surely. A bit of harm here, a bit of harm there. Never quite enough for you to be able to make an iron clad case. Always with a bit of plausible deniability. Until you throw up your hands and leave.

To find that we're in every other church, too.

This is our world. Wolve's world. It's why you're praying in the Lord's prayer for His will to be done - on Earth as it is in Heaven. Get it? Because that's admitting that His will is NOT being done here on Earth yet. Or ever, if we have our say.

What can you do about it?

Well, I should not tell you this, but since you won't believe it, since it will sound too simple, I will tell you. When I still win in my wolf games, it will be funner for me, knowing that you could have beat me, had you believed what I'm about to say.

The secret is this:

Know us.

Know the obvious that when a person's actions and words hurt more than help, and on a fairly consistent basis, that it's not an accident or mistake. Know the obvious, that when warm wetness is cascading upon your leg, and I'm standing there with a big cheese eating grin on my face and my fly undone, that it is unlikely that what you're feeling is ammonia-scented rain from heaven.

It's me peeing on your leg. Know that then and accept the obvious. You've no trouble believing in serial killers and rapists - why do you have a hard time believing in gossips and dissension sowers? Heck, the way you try to avoid believing in people like me, you'd think I was Santa or an Elf!

We're real. And as soon as you know that just as bank robbers are drawn to banks, so the sowers of dissent are drawn to the churches of Earth of all faiths, then you'll "get it" and be substantially immune to our crap.

As soon as you can admit that the good man or good woman - or so they'll look - can do bad, then you'll get that it's okay to cry out in pain when we bite, and to swat us on our noses when we get too close.

You are so willing to watch a horror movie and "get" that someone could give themselves enough to Satan to commit a holocaust - but you can't believe that a person you know could give themselves enough to Satan to screw up a project that would aid a local church! But there are ever so much more of us little local evil doers than the large kind.

The litter is always larger in number than the parents.

The large kind are a distraction. 72 years later you're still gasping over Hitler. And ten million vile gossips and petty destroyers have been born, lived their lives of quiet destruction and died unchallenged without you noticing.

We little ones get it done world-wide. Because you don't believe in us. You don't believe that we exist. So you keep excusing us. And you keep punishing our victims who dare cry out.

That's the secret. That's the whole of it. Quit pretending we do not exist, quit pretending that it is somehow Christ-like to be blind to us, and our game collapses.

But you won't do that. No, afraid of all we wolves branding you as un-Christ-like, you'll back off and slink off. You'll leave us to be large and in charge, leave to us the appearance of piety, and you'll hide as if your own real goodness is somehow shameful.

Sad.

But thank you for that. It sure makes our destructive job easier. You pray with your mouths that His will be done - but by your damning silence you make sure that OUR will be done.