The Contentious

Proverbs 26:20-28

20 Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.

21 As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife.

22 The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.

23 Burning lips and a wicked heart are like a potsherd covered with silver dross.

24 He that hateth dissembleth with his lips, and layeth up deceit within him;

25 When he speaketh fair, believe him not: for there are seven abominations in his heart.

26 Whose hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness shall be shewed before the whole congregation.

27 Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein: and he that rolleth a stone, it will return upon him.

28 A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin.

"Do I look contentious?  I love this family!"

Pictured is "Uncle Junior", a fictitious character from the show "The Sopranos", which was popular on HBO a few years back.  He serves well as an example of a contentious man who tries to poison the very family that he should love and depend upon.

Uncle Junior was an older man, in his seventies, obviously past his prime, but still alert and still desiring the authority he had been used to.  For this reason, he insisted on title and authority, which were given to him, mainly out of a desire of the others to have him be happy and maybe relax a little and not cause so much trouble.

But then he used his position to assume and pretend to greater authority than he really had.  He exercised it in petty ways.  He stirred up various members of the family against Tony, the actual leader of the family.  He would pit one side of the family against the other, he advocated courses of action that while destructive of the family interests, would have the effect of benefiting him.

He abused and misused his authority, gossiped, murmured and divided.

At each turn, Tony would try to bite back his frustration and talk to him.  To get him to see reason.  To reassure him that he could stop and just enjoy being a respected member of the family without going to all these divisive extremes.

Each time Uncle Junior would grudgingly agree, making himself out to be the wounded one, the martyr, the victim.  

And each time he'd start up again as soon as Tony left.

I use this fictitious character as an example for church contention, because we've all known an Uncle Junior in whatever church each of us goes to.  The murmurer.  The gossip.  The sneak.  The divider. The guy who thinks he's really running things - and desperately hopes he is.

Sometimes, like in the case of Uncle Junior, he actually did before.  Other times, it's an assumed authority due to what is perceived to be essential donations, though as regular long term church members know, there are no "essential donations", just the tithes and offerings that we make out of love of Christ and His bride, the church.

What's to be done with such?

Well, Ellen G. White gives good counsel on how to handle such, taking as inspiration Jesus Himself, who was not shy in outlining how such should be handled.  

With much love and effort to bring back into the fold, obviously.  As Jesus counseled.  As Ellen White counseled.  And as even the fictitious gangster Tony Soprano tried with his Uncle Junior.

If that fails though, there does come a point where a hard decision needs to be made.  Because no matter what love is had for the contentious one, he cannot be allowed to tear down the entirety of the family.  Or church.

In the case of a silly TV show, that was Uncle Junior being sent to prison as a fall-guy.  In real life, in churches that operate on love and care for all, it can be counseling.  Failing that, chastising.  Perhaps if that fails, or has already been done, removal of title and position.  

Titles are earned, and cause it to appear as if a person represents a church.  If they are doing wrong, they cannot necessarily keep them, it would reflect poorly on the church.  And positions of trust are earned, and actually do represent the church.  And if they are doing wrong, it would be precarious to allow them to retain such.

Ultimately, in the final extremity, a removal of fellowship or membership can be contemplated, but I think that in most all cases that is extreme.  Kind of like sending someone to prison.  Best avoided.

Better that such be allowed to be kept as a member, it allows them more opportunity to repent and atone, and heaven knows that if they do not it will be obvious enough soon enough.

For more on how dissension and contention should be handled, please check with your local pastor. Or google what Ellen White had to say on the matter.  But for all actual cases of contention, seeking counsel is always the safest course, from your pastor or any local leadership.